Lately, I've just been in dark moods and feeling like crap about myself.

It's been made even worse by the fact that I acted like a total jack-ass towards customers last weekend at work. Since then, I've been wondering all sorts of things: should I be working at a job where I can barely tolerate some of the people who come in? Where would I work? How can I change myself to prevent something like this from happening again?

I've talked to my boss, my mom (who is a manager where I work), and another manager. I've given them my apologies because I truly am sorry that I was an asshole to so many customers who sent in their fondest complaints about where I work because of all of the things I did. I can change how I handle things at work but now I'm going to have to parade my shame in front of everyone at work in a special meeting we're having tomorrow. Apparently, I'm not the only problematic employee they had that weekend so they have to have a meeting stating all of the bad comments received on our work place's website and emails sent to my manager about how I should be fired for being a bitch. At this rate, I think I would be somewhat relieved to be fired or just quit. If I'm such a bad employee for just one weekend, what's the point of them even keeping me? Screw the fact my mom's a manager, I was an unforgivable bitch to so many people and they would love to see me gone and would probably even come and do their business there if I was gone.

My own mother who works up there doesn't even seem to understand how heavily I carry this guilt. I almost haven't been able to enjoy myself this week because this has been on my mind. I understand that this could be a huge character building moment for me, I've thought of ways this week that I could actually keep myself from getting stressed out but for some reason that's not good enough for my mom or my boss. They aren't encouraging me to find techniques for dealing with my stress, the whole method is grin and bear it and the customer is ALWAYS right. While those are very helpful policies, they do not necessarily help the underlying issue of my stress considering that on the most stressful days at work I would like to strangle half of the people who come in.

I realize part of the problem is having my cellphone and ipod with me. I will no longer be using these at work unless I'm off the clock. That's still not enough.

Look, guys, just go ahead and tell me I'm being a proud baby and to suck it up and deal with it. I'm 18 years old and my mother would even tell me to deal with it. I just needed to get this off my chest before I broke down crying for no reason... I'm sorry.